What's a mother to do...

Today was probably one of the hardest days I've experienced emotionally in a long time. I know I'm not super women or anything, but I been thrown a lot of things in the past and could handle them (not always gracefully, but they were handled)...but today I just fell apart and couldn't pull myself together. Nutmeg rejected her only daughter. She won't feed her and she won't take care of her. We have the option to "cull" her which is to put it nicely put her to sleep...I can't bring myself to do it. She was the only one out of the five babies that we were going to keep because she can be bred next year and used to milk next year, and she's Nutmeg's last daughter. If this had been a boy it would so much easier to make this decision because boys can't be used for very many things. So tonight, I milked Nutmeg and put it in a bottle and attempted to bottle feed this sweet little baby. She guzzled 4 ounces, she was starving. I just sat there on my kitchen floor and cried, feeling overwhelmed about the fact that not only do I have a 3-month old baby on oxygen that isn't progressing as fast as I'd hope, a 2 1/2 year old that has cabin fever tremendously and is going crazy being cooped up in the house (which in turn is driving me crazy), a puppy that refuses to be potty trained, the other dog that has picked up all of the puppies bad habits and decided that she also doesn't want to be potty trained and is chewing things again, Nutmeg ~who has one side of her udder that the babies won't nurse on so she has to be milked 2-3 times a day on that side, and now this little baby that won't survive if she isn't bottle fed every 3-4 hours, and in one week we are suppose to leave to go on an 8-day vacation to Disneyland. Oh, and I'm suppose to teach an enrichment activity next week...
So...needless to say I had a breakdown today. I put an ad in the paper for the dogs, to sell them as a breeding pair. They should go fast because they are in high demand. I feel for Emma because she will be so sad to not have them around, but I had to eliminate that from my plate and my life for now.
I talked to a couple of people today who said~why not just get rid of this little female goat, wouldn't it eliminate a lot of problems? Well..yes it would...but there is tender spot inside my heart where I remember seeing Max in the NICU laying there, needing his mom so badly that my heart ached to hold him and love him and as I sat holding this baby goat I just couldn't bring myself to "get rid of her". It's something that I don't expect anyone else to understand because it's one of those things where you'd have to have experienced it to understand...
So, for now, every 4 hours she gets a bottle from us...I'm praying for a miracle for when we go to California that someone will be able to handle this situation while we're gone because we desperately need a vacation after all we've been through this winter!